In response to this post, GITS reader Walt has figured out how Peter Jackson will stretch out “The Hobbit” in to three movies:
10. Smaug polishes all the gold in his cave–twice.
9. Multiple scenes of Gollum playing checkers with himself.
8. Bilbo takes 1,137 baths throughout the series.
7. Sauron turns his castle upside down looking for the Ring while his wife leafs through a magazine and mumbles, “Where’s the last place you had it?”
6. A montage of Bilbo training for the Quest as “The Eye of the Tiger” is played on a lute.
5. The dwarves get drunk and try to pick up 6-ft. tall Dunedain women, get repeatedly shot down.
4. Gandalf argues with a half-orc dry cleaner over a spot on his cloak, and launches into an incoherent 10-minute anti-orc racist diatribe. Has to settle for store credit.
3. 10-minute montage of dwarves tightening utility belts and headbands in close-up.
2. They have to enter and win “Middle-earth’s Got Talent” in order to raise enough money for the quest.
1. The grass outside Bilbo’s house grows in real time.
Works for me! How about you? “The Lord of the Rings” was 1,400 pages long. “The Hobbit” [original edition] was 300+ pages. How would you fill the screen time to allow Warner Bros. to take three bites of the consumer apple?