Daily Dialogue — March 21, 2013

March 21st, 2013 by

Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.

SCOTT: What say we drink to my memory? Fair trade blend with soymilk?
ENVY: I’m sorry, but that’s pathetic.
TODD INGRAM: Dude. I can see in your mind’s eye that you poured Half & Half into one of these coffees in an attempt to make me break vegan edge. I’ll take the one with soy. Thanks, tool.

Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and drinks.

SCOTT: Actually, I poured soy in this cup, but thought real hard about pouring it in that one. You know, in my mind’s eye or whatever.
TODD INGRAM: What are you talking about?
SCOTT: You just drank Half & Half.

TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS: Freeze! Vegan Police!
VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1: Todd Ingram, you’re under arrest for veganity violation code number 827, imbibement of Half & Half!
TODD INGRAM: That’s bullroar!
VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1: No vegan diet, no vegan powers.
TODD INGRAM: But this is a first offense! Don’t I get three strikes?

Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2: At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you knowingly ingested Gelato.
TODD INGRAM: Gelato isn’t vegan?
VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1: Milk and eggs, bitch.
VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2: On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you partook a plate of Chicken Parmesan.

Envy gasps, disgusted.

TODD INGRAM: Chicken isn’t vegan?
VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1: The deveganizing ray! Hit him.

The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their finger guns. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.


Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line…

SCOTT: You once were a vegone, but now you will be gone!

Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts himself off as COINS rain down.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), screenplay by Michael Bacall & Edgar Wright, based on the graphic novels by Bryan Lee O’Malley

The Daily Dialogue theme for the week is arrest, suggested by Teddy Pasternak who is responsible for today’s theme.

Trivia: To avoid an R-Rating, the word “Fuck”, said by Envy to Julie, had to be bleeped out because Scott Pilgrim calls Todd Ingram a “cocky-cock” earlier in the film.

Dialogue On Dialogue: I know SPVTW didn’t set the box office world on fire, but I love this movie. And it’s precisely because of the type of humor in this scene. Vegan Police? How great is that!

Comment Archive

2 thoughts on “Daily Dialogue — March 21, 2013

  1. Mark Walker says:

    Great scene in a great film….. Shame it was under appreciated….. Good example of people making a fun film, rather than one trying to be fun…. If that makes sense?

    And it shows that you can be as absurd as you like as long as that absurdity is real in the world context you have defined.

  2. Debbie Moon says:

    A wonderful film, and this is one of the funniest scenes in it – because of the truth underlying the absurdity. We all know someone who takes their dietary preferences way too seriously, and this scene just take that to its (il)logical conclusion…

Leave a Reply