A scene from the 1997 comedy Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, written by Mike Myers.
Plot Summary: A 1960s hipster secret agent is brought out of cryofreeze to oppose his greatest enemy in the 1990s, where his social attitudes are glaringly out of place.
INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY We're in the middle of a group therapy session, containing six or seven FATHERS with their teenage SONS. It is emotionally charged. A lot of pained expressions and coffee in Styrofoam cups. SON 1 (crying) I love you, Dad. DAD 1 I love you, Son. They hug. Everyone APPLAUDS. We see Dr. Evil and Scott. THERAPIST That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave. Thank you. OK, group, we have two new members. Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr....Ehville? DR. EVIL Evil, actually, Doctor Evil. GROUP Hello, Dr. Evil. Hello, Scott. SCOTT EVIL (into it) Hello, everybody. THERAPIST So, Scott, why don't we start with you. Why are you here? SCOTT EVIL Well, it's kind of weird. THERAPIST We don't judge here. SCOTT EVIL OK. Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time three days ago. He was partially frozen for thirty years. I never knew him growing up. He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. THERAPIST And how do you feel about that? SCOTT EVIL I don't wanna take over the family business. DR. EVIL But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die? SCOTT EVIL Not me. THERAPIST What do you want to do, Scott? SCOTT EVIL I don't know. I was thinking, maybe I'd be a vet or something, cause I like animals and stuff. DR. EVIL An evil vet? SCOTT EVIL No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something. DR. EVIL An evil petting zoo? SCOTT EVIL (shouting) You always do that! (calm) Anyways, this is really hard, because, you know, my Dad is really evil. THERAPIST We don't label people here, Scott. SCOTT EVIL No, he's really evil. THERAPIST Scott. DR. EVIL No, the boy's right. I really am evil. THERAPIST Don't be so hard on yourself. You're here, that's what's important. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. SCOTT EVIL I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me. THERAPIST OK, Scott, no one really wants to "kill" anyone here. They say it, but they don't mean it. The group LAUGHS. DR. EVIL Actually, the boy's quite astute. I am trying to kill him. My Evil Associates have cautioned against it, so here he is, unfortunately, alive. THERAPIST We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you. DR. EVIL The details of my life are quite inconsequential. THERAPIST That's not true, Doctor. Please, tell us about your childhood. GROUP Yes, of course. Go ahead, etc. DR. EVIL Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self- improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there... ANGLE ON THE THERAPIST AND THE GROUP. They are stunned.
Here is the scene from the movie:
Not many differences, some additional lines for Dr. Evil and the therapist. Why? Probably to give Mike Myers and Carrie Fisher a bit more flavor within the scene. Interesting to note that Dr. Evil’s long monologue is pretty much delivered by Myers word for word. He probably worked over that speech a long time and liked where it ended up.
Any Austin Powers fans out there?
One of the single best things you can do to learn the craft of screenwriting is to read the script while watching the movie. After all a screenplay is a blueprint to make a movie and it’s that magic of what happens between printed page and final print that can inform how you approach writing scenes. That is the purpose of Script to Screen, a weekly series on GITS where we analyze a memorable movie scene and the script pages that inspired it.