Christopher Evan Welch reminds us: “You are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second”
Last night’s episode of the HBO series “Silicon Valley” was, as usual, funny. It was also deeply poignant, featuring the last scene actor Christopher Evan Welch shot for the series before he succumbed to a three-year battle with lung cancer, dying on December 2, 2013. In the weird phenomenon of a particular kind of time travel common to movies and TV, Welch’s appearance as Peter Gregory in “Silicon Valley” last night, some 5 months after his passing, took on extra meaning.
If you haven’t been watching “Silicon Valley,” here is some background from Business Insider that frames the scene in question specifically with regard to the character Welch played, Peter Gregory:
Amid a cast that often seems like a taxonomy of male social inadequacy, Gregory is the most awkward of them all. Letting his hands dangle helplessly like a neurasthenic T. rex, speaking with an exaggerated formality, he’s a ridiculous, magnetic, and deeply human figure — the irreplaceable heart of the show.
In the scene, which you may see embedded in a Vulture article here, Welch as Gregory has a super awkward conversation with fellow tech billionaire and arch rival Gavin Belson (played by Matt Ross). Here is a transcript of the exchange in what appears to be a high-end Silicon Valley restaurant. I have included “beats” to signify the multiple strained silences in the conversation:
Gavin: Peter. I didn't know you came here.Beat.Peter: Gavin. [beat] Hello.Long beat.Gavin: Nice to see you.
Peter: And you as well.Long beat.Gavin: How are you?Beat.Peter: Well. And you?
Gavin: Not bad. I just got back from Jackson Hole. Have you been?
Peter: I... have not, but I hear good things.Peter clears his throat. Beat.Gavin: You look well. Are you exercising?
Peter: I have begun to do Pilates.
Gavin: I hear that's good.Really long beat.Peter: I like it.
Gavin: Yes.Long beat.Gavin: Well, I didn't meant to interrupt. Nice to see you, Peter.
Peter [strange kind of wave with his left hand]: Good-bye now.At this point, Peter sits down with one of his employees Monica
(Amanda Crew). Long tense silence, then Gavin returns.Gavin: I almost forgot. I saw that Pied Piper [note: a company
Peter is investing in] is in the start up battlefield at Tech
Crunch. It inspired me to call Tech Crunch and offer to be their
keynote speaker. They were quite accommodating. Especially when
I said I'd make the event the grand unveiling of Nucleus [note:
a project at Gavin's company]. So I will see you all at the
conference.Peter offers up an attempt at a laugh. Long beat. He turns to
Monica.Peter: This is displeasing.
The sad irony that runs through the scene, considering Welch’s own fate, is pronounced. We can’t help but find the death of a wonderful acting talent at such a young age (48) “displeasing” in the extreme.
Watching Welch’s performance in “Silicon Valley,” I was sure I had seen him in a brief, but memorable role in a movie. I did some digging and found it, this scene from Synecdoche, New York in which Welch plays the role of Minister:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HomxX7pmEQI
Here is the text of the monologue, written by the movie’s writer-director Charlie Kaufman:
Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I’ve been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
And yes, that is Philip Seymour Hoffman in the scene, who as we all know, recently passed away as well. Both of these fine actors’ deaths remind us of this absolute truth conveyed in the Minister’s words:
…even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second.
Which raises the inevitable question: How to make sense of that brief flicker of time we have on this Earth?
How about this: Do something worth doing. Or as Welch says, words written by Kaufman, one of the most creative talents working in the film and TV business:
They say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create.
As writers, obviously “what we create” is about stories we write. But it is also more. It is about the lives we create.
The Minister’s final lines in the scene from Synecdoche, New York are an apt description of a person disconnected from a life worth living. When confronted with that type of inauthentic life or state of Disunity, we would do well to hop movies and remember the words of Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption: “Get busy living… or get busy dying.”
By all accounts, Christopher Evan Welch got busy living as a husband, father, friend, and notably as an actor. Again from the Business Insider article in reference to “Silicon Valley”:
Faced with a similar situation, many producers might well have opted to put off a show’s premiere and reshoot a character’s scenes with another actor in the role.
Executive producers Mike Judge and Alec Berg never even considered it. “The brilliance of Chris’ performance is irreplaceable, and inspired us in our writing of the series,” they said in a joint statement. It was bad enough that they had to rewrite subsequent episodes in which Peter Gregory was originally going to appear, reimagining several major story points. “Cutting Chris out of those scripts was among the most difficult things we have ever had to do as writers,” they added. “The entire ordeal was heartbreaking. But we are incredibly grateful to have worked with him in the brief time we had together. Our show and our lives are vastly richer for his having been in them.”
For the series’ viewers, too, the loss will be acutely felt. We won’t have seen nearly enough of Peter Gregory or of Christopher Evan Welch. Then again, it was so nice getting to know them both.
Let us remember Welch as an inspiration to follow our bliss, give voice to our creativity, and make a life worth living.
Christopher Evan Welch (1965–2013)
For the Business Insider article including a video tribute to Welch, go here.
For a retrospective about Welch in Vulture from April, go here.
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