Daily Dialogue — February 11, 2014
SIMON (O.S.): Mr. Udall, I’d like to talk to you please.
MELVIN: ‘Love was… ‘
He almost has the rest of the sentence — the meaning of love — but the knocking throws him.
MELVIN: … Son-of-a-bitch-pansy-assed-stool-pusher.
He bursts from his chair.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) — HALLWAY — NIGHT
As Simon hears MELVIN through the door and takes a step back. Melvin throws open the door. He looks demonic.
MELVIN: (loud and angry) Yeeeess!!!
SIMON: Maybe this can wait.
Frank signals encouragement as Melvin opens the door.
SIMON: I found Verdell, Mr. Udall.
MELVIN: Well, that’s a load off.
Melvin walks back into the apartment and is about to close the door when Simon has another burst of bravery.
SIMON: Did you… do something to him?
MELVIN: Do you realize that I work at home?
SIMON: (eyes downcast) No, I didn’t.
MELVIN: Do you like to be interrupt when you are hanging around in your little garden?
SIMON: No… actually, I even shut the phone off and put a little piece of cardboard in the ringer so no one can just buzz me from…
MELVIN: Well, I work all the time. So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now… not if there’s fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there’s a smell from in there that can only come from a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you’re going to faint even then don’t come knocking or, if it’s election night and you’re excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States… and he’s going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone… don’t knock … not on this door. Not for anything. Got me. Sweetheart?
SIMON: Yes. It’s not a subtle point you’re making.
MELVIN: Okay, then.
— As Good As It Gets (1997), screenplay by Mark Andrus and James L. Brooks, story by Mark Andrus
The Daily Dialogue theme for the week is sarcasm, recommended by blueneumann. Today’s suggestion by
Trivia: Udall’s response to the question about how he writes women is an actual response given by author John Updike when asked the same question.
Dialogue On Dialogue: Classic example of a character using sarcasm as an offensive weapon, but when you get right down to it, it arises from a defensive posture, Melvin doing everything he can to shield himself from a world he innately fears.
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