Daily Dialogue — June 9, 2012

Annie sits on the couch waiting Castaway. It’s the tearjerking scene when Wilson the volleyball is floating away from Tom Hanks. He’s losing his friend. Annie is sobbing.

The DOORBELL rings. Annie opens the door. MEGAN is standing there with 7 PUPPIES from Helen’s shower on leashes.

MEGAN: I’m coming in.

Megan barges into the house with the dogs leading the way.

MEGAN: Heel. Heel. Heel. Heel. Heel. Heel.

Megan puts the dogs on the porch then closes the door. Then she sits on the couch with Annie.

MEGAN: Heel. Heel.
ANNIE: How many did you take?
MEGAN: Oh. Uh, I took nine. I overcommitted with this whole dog thing. I’d probably be more comfortable with six. It’s a lot of energy to deal with. But you wouldn’t know that because you haven’t been returning my calls.
ANNIE: And say what? Hi, I can’t get off the couch. I got fired from my job, I got kicked out of my apartment, I can’t pay any of my bills, my car is a piece of shit, I don’t have any friends –

Megan stands up and starts pacing then gets in Annie’s face.

MEGAN: You know what I find interesting about that Annie? It’s interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends. Do you know why that’s interesting? Here’s a friend standing directly in front of you trying to talk to you and you choose to talk about having no friends.
ANNIE: You know what I mean.
MEGAN: You know what I think?

She pokes Annie. Then continues to prod and push her as she talks.

MEGAN: You don’t want help. You want a pity party.
ANNIE: No, I don’t. Stop it.
MEGAN: You’re an asshole, Annie.

Megan shoves Annie.

ANNIE: Ow. What are you doing?
MEGAN: What? Am I bothering you? I’m life. Life bothering you? Life’s hard, huh? Life can push you around. I’m your life. You’re gonna let life bite you on the ass?

Then Megan sits on top of Annie and holds her arms.

MEGAN: I’m trying to get you to fight for your shitty life and you won’t do it. I’m your shitty life Annie.

Annie SMACKS Megan hard in the face.

ANNIE: Oh my god, I’m sorry.

Megan looks like she might get mad, but then she smiles.

MEGAN: I’m not. Nice hit. I’m glad to see you’ve got a little bit of spark in you. I knew that Annie was in there somewhere. (then) I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan, it’s me Megan. I know you look at me now and think, boy she must have breezed through high school. Not the case Annie. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. They used to try to blow me up. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school. Firecrackers, literally, not figuratively. They called me a freak. Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy, “Oh, I don’t have any friends.” I did not. You know what I did? I pulled myself up, I studied hard, I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Don’t repeat that. I cannot protect you. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes.
ANNIE: I won’t say anything.
MEGAN: You would be amazed, a lot of shopping malls. Don’t repeat that.
ANNIE: I won’t.
MEGAN: I have six houses. I bought an eighteen wheeler just cause I could. You lost Lillian. You got another best friend sitting right in front of you if you’d notice. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems ‘coz you’re your problem Annie, and you’re also your solution. You get that?

This hits Annie. Annie’s speechless. Megan exhales, winded.

ANNIE: Yes. I just miss her I guess.
MEGAN: I know you do, I know you do. Come on, bring it in.

They hug.

MEGAN: There’s the Annie I knew was there. (smelling her hair) Oh Annie, wash your hair. You’ve got to wash your hair.

— Annie (Kristen Wiig), Megan (Melissa McCarthy), Bridesmaids (2011), written by Kristen Wiig & Annie Mumolo

The Daily Dialogue theme for the week is pity party, suggested by Teddy Pasternak. Today’s suggestion by Teri Brown, video link provided by The Bark Bites Back.

Trivia: Highest grossing R-rated female comedy of all time, edging out Sex and the City.

Dialogue On Dialogue: Here the pity party marks a turning point where Megan confronts Annie with the truth: “You’re your problem Annie, and you’re also your solution.” 

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