Scene Description Spotlight: “There’s Something About Mary”
There are many funny scenes in the Farrelly brothers’ movie There’s Something About Mary, but the “franks or beans” scene is right up there as one of the most memorable:
INT. BATHROOM - TWILIGHTTed dabs his head with a tissue, then moves to the toilet. As he
TAKES A LEAK he glances out the window to his left.TED'S POV - two LOVEBIRDS are perched on a branch.Ted smiles......at the SOUND of these beautiful tweeties singing their love
song for themselves, for the spring, for Ted and Mary, and
suddenly they fly away and we...SNAP FOCUS...to reveal Mary in the bedroom window DIRECTLY BEHIND WHERE THE
BIRDS WERE, in just a bra and panties, and just then her mother
glances Ted's way and MAKES EYE-CONTACT with what she can only
presume to be a leering Peeping Tom.ON TED......he loses the smile and ducks his head back into the bathroom,
HORRIFIED.PANICKING NOW, he hastily zips up his fly andTED
YEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!TED GETS HIS DICK STUCK IN THE ZIPPER!CUT TO:EXT. BATHROOM DOOR - NIGHTA concerned Mary, her Mom, Dad, and Warren are huddled outside the
bathroom.MARY
(knocking gently)
Ted, are you okay?TED (O.S.)
(pained)
Just a minute.MARY'S MOM
He's been in there over half an hour.
(whispering)
Charlie, I think he's masturbating.MARY
Mom!MARY'S MOM
Well he was watching you undress with a
silly grin on his face.TED (O.S.)
(pained)
I was watching the birds!They all look at one another.MARY'S MOM
Charlie, do something.MARY'S DAD
All right, kid, that's it, I'm coming in.INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUSA whimpering Ted huddles in the corner as Mary's Dad enters.MARY'S DAD (cont'd)
What seems to be the situation here? You
shit yourself or something?TED
I wish.Ted motions for him to close the door and Mary's Dad obliges.TED (cont'd)
I, uh...I got it stuck.MARY'S DAD
You got what stuck?TED
It.MARY'S DAD
It?
(beat)
Oh it. All right, these things happen,
let me have a look. It's not the end of the
world.Mary's Dad moves closer and puts his reading glasses on.EXT. BATHROOM DOOR - CONTINUOUSAs Mary, her Mom, and Warren listen in...MARY'S DAD (O.S.)
OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!TED (O.S.)
Shhhhhh!INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUSMARY'S DAD
(CALLS OUT)
Shirley, get in here! You gotta see this!TED
What?! No please, sir--MARY'S DAD
She's a dental hygienist. She'll know what
to do.Mary's Mom comes in and closes the door behind her.MARY'S MOM
Teddy, hon, are you okay?
(moving closer, seeing the situation)
OH HEAVENS TO PETE!TED
Would you shhh! Mary's gonna hear us.MARY'S MOM
Just relax, dear. Now, um...what exactly
are we looking at here?TED
(dizzy)
What do you mean?MARY'S MOM
(delicate)
I mean is it...is it...?MARY'S DAD
(gruff)
Is it the frank or the beans?TED
I think a little of both.Suddenly we hear Warren from outside the door:WARREN (O.S.)
Franks and beans!Ted hangs his head.EXT. BATHROOM DOOR - CONTINUOUSMary and Warren are huddled outside the door.MARY
(to Warren)
Shhhh.MARY'S DAD (O.S.)
What the hell's that bubble?Mary REACTS to this.INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUSTED
One guess.MARY'S DAD
How the hell'd you get the beans all the
way up top like that?TED
I don't know. It's not like it was a well
thought-out plan.MARY'S MOM
Oh my, there sure is a lot of skin coming
through there.MARY'S DAD
I'm guessing that's what the soprano shriek
was about, pumpkin.MARY'S MOM
I'm going to get some Bactine.TED
No, please!Suddenly a POLICE OFFICER sticks his head in the bathroom window.POLICE OFFICER
Ho there.TED
(humiliated)
Oh God.POLICE OFFICER
Everything okay here? Neighbors said they
heard a lady scream.MARY'S DAD
You're looking at him. C'mere and take a
look at this beauty.TED
No, that's really unneces--But the Officer's already climbing in the window. Once inside, he
turns his flashlight on Ted and WHISTLES.POLICE OFFICER
Now I've seen it all. What the hell were
you thinking?TED
(frustrated)
I wasn't trying--POLICE OFFICER
Is that bubble what I think it is?Mary's parents nod.POLICE OFFICER (cont'd)
But...how...how'd you get the zipper all
the way to the top?MARY'S DAD
Let's just say the kid's limber.The Officer makes a face, then rolls up his sleeves.POLICE OFFICER
Well, there's only one thing to do.TED
No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll just hang my
shirttail out and work on it in the
morning.POLICE OFFICER
Look, son, this'll only hurt for a second.The Officer reaches down and takes hold of the zipper.TED
No, no, please!MARY'S MOM
Teddy, be brave.WARREN (O.S.)
Beans and franks!MARY (O.S.)
Warren, shhh.Defeated, Ted holds his breath and braces for the worst.POLICE OFFICER
It's just like pulling off a Band-aid.
A-one and a-two and...CUT TO:PARAMEDIC
We got a bleeder!EXT. MARY'S HOUSE - NIGHTTWO PARAMEDICS rush Ted out the front door on a stretcher. Mary
runs alongside him holding a towel on his crotch. while a THIRD
PARAMEDIC dabs at his crotch with a towel. Mary's Mom and Dad are
out front along with two FIRETRUCKS, four POLICE CARS, and a crowd
of about thirty NEIGHBORS.PARAMEDIC
(to Mary)
Keep pressure on it!Mary does as she's told.MARY
(running along)
Ted, I'm so sorry. Are you going to be
okay?TED
(irrational cockiness)
You betcha!He gives her two thumbs up as they slide him into the ambulance.INT. AMBULANCE - CONTINUOUSThe doors SLAM shut and as the ambulance pulls away Ted starts to
WHIMPER and we can see Mary fade into the night, as weDISSOLVE TO:
In classic comedy fashion, the scene builds the humor step by step. After Ted’s unfortunate zipper-job, first Mary’s Dad enters the bathroom to check out Ted’s groin area, then Mary’s Mom, then a totally random Police Officer sticks his head in through the window, all accompanied by Mary’s brother Warren excitedly exclaiming, “Beans and franks,” and finally culminating in poor Ted being carried away in an ambulance.
But the scene wouldn’t work without a great set-up and that’s the focus of today’s scene description spotlight. The Farrelly brothers use primary and secondary slugs to ‘direct’ the action with these five shots:
— INT. BATHROOM — TWILIGHT: Establishes the location.
— TED’S POV: Ted looking at two LOVEBIRDS.
— SNAP FOCUS: Mary in the bedroom window, Ted sees her, Ted’s mother sees him.
— ON TED: Ted ducks into the bathroom horrified at being perceived as a peeping Tom.
— TED GETS HIS DICK STUCK IN THE ZIPPER!
The more common screenplay style today is not to use directing lingo, so if you were writing the scene now, you might do it like this:
INT. BATHROOM — TWILIGHT
Ted dabs his head with a tissue, then moves to the toilet. As he
TAKES A LEAK he glances out the window to his left and sees —
TWO LOVEBIRDS
perched on a branch.
TED SMILES
at the SOUND of these beautiful tweeties singing their love
song for themselves, for the spring, for Ted and Mary, and
suddenly they fly away revealing —
MARY IN THE BEDROOM WINDOW
directly behind where the birds were, in just a bra and panties,
and just then her mother glances Ted’s way and MAKES EYE-CONTACT
with what she can only presume to be a leering Peeping Tom.
TED LOSES HIS SMILE
and ducks his head back into the bathroom, HORRIFIED.
PANICKING NOW, he hastily zips up his fly and —
TED
YEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
TED GETS HIS DICK STUCK IN THE ZIPPER!
This approach uses secondary slugs / shots to ‘direct’ the action without using directing lingo. Here is part of the scene as filmed:
[Originally posted February 25, 2010]