Script To Screen: “M*A*S*H”
From the 1970 movie M*A*S*H, screenplay by Ring Lardner, Jr., based on a novel by Richard Hooker.
Before the long-running television series of the same name, there was the movie. Featuring members of a MASH unit during the Korean War, the movie was a controversial one — befitting a Robert Altman film — and 20th Century Fox came this close to never releasing it. They did, the movie was a hit, its screenplay won an Oscar, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Scene Setup: Having suffered from erectile dysfunction, Painless is convinced he should end his life. His fellow soldiers gather to celebrate his last supper.
INT. DENTAL CLINIC – NIGHT The poker table, and dental chair have been removed
to make room for two long tables from the Mess Hall.
At these a sumptuous, candlelit, stag banquet is
coming to an end. The guests are doctors,
administrative officers, chopper pilots and enlisted
men. Duke is on his feet, raising a glass of
champagne in a toast. (All our male cast except Henry
and Frank) DUKE
Y'all come here to say a final goodbye
to our old friend Walt. But maybe it
ain't so final. Maybe he's just going
on ahead into the Unknown to do a
little recon job for us all. During this tribute the guests rise, their eyes on
the guest of honor, who sits with his food untouched,
a vacant expression on his face. When Duke has
finished and everyone has drunk the toast, they
applaud and sit down again. Trapper raps for
attention and indicates Hawkeye, who rises. HAWKEYE
I just got this one thing to say.
Nobody ordered Walt to take on this
mission. He volunteered, for certain
death. That's what we award our
highest medal for. That's what being
a soldier is all about. Except for Painless himself, the gathering is deeply
moved by this thought, some of them to the point of
tears. Again Trapper restores order. TRAPPER
Only one man here can add anything
to that. He looks to Dago Red, who stands up, dressed for the
first time in the priestly vestments he wears for
Sunday Mass. He walks to where Painless sits and
there begins the viaticum (holy communion for those
in danger of death). DAGO RED
Receive, my brother, this food for
your journey... A coffin, borne into the room by two enlisted men
while Red is still speaking, is lined with blankets,
equipped with a pillow for comfortable reclining
prior to the onset of death, and furnished with
mementos of Painless' earthly career: two fresh decks
of cards, a box of poker chips, a fifth of scotch,
some basic dental instruments and the photographs of
his three fiancees. It is set down on the floor next
to Painless, who regards it with the first show of
interest he has manifested during the proceedings. DAGO RED
(bestowing the sacred
host)
...The body of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that He may guard you from the wicked
enemy and lead you into everlasting
life. Amen. Red is making the sign of the Cross when Painless'
curiosity asserts itself. PAINLESS
What the hell's that? TRAPPER
Coffin. Yours. PAINLESS
I'm not even dead yet. HAWKEYE
You're a pretty heavy guy to lug
around. Be a hell of a lot more
convenient for everybody if you got
into the box as soon as you've taken
the capsule. He produces and opens a small box, inside which,
surrounded by pure white cotton, a black capsule is
displayed like a rare jewel. Dago Red, meanwhile,
preferring not to know what happens from here on,
makes his way out. PAINLESS
(scrutinizing the
capsule)
How do you take it? DUKE
(appearing at his
side with tumbler of
whiskey)
With whiskey. A good swallow first
and a big one afterwards. Speeds it
into the bloodstream. Painless takes the tumbler from him with one hand,
the capsule with the other. He downs a good-sized
swig of whiskey, then, with the capsule in front of
his face, hesitates. PAINLESS
You guys sure this'll do the job? DUKE
We wouldn't give you nothing but the
best. TRAPPER
We stand behind all our work. HAWKEYE
You want it straight? Medical history
records no instance of anyone taking
this particular prescription and
surviving. PAINLESS
Here goes nothing. He pops the capsule into his mouth and washes it down
with a large drink of whiskey. Hawkeye gestures to
the waiting coffin. Painless gets up and lowers
himself into it. PAINLESS
How much time do I have? HAWKEYE
Just about enough to say goodbye to
everybody.
(announcing)
Line up over here, men, if you want
to pay your last respects. Keep moving
and file on out when you're through. PAINLESS
I wonder, if Red's fix swings it for
me, what's heaven really like? TRAPPER
It's a bedroom where a man is always
at his peak and doesn't have to take
any time outs. HAWKEYE
And all the angels are built like
Lieutenant Dish. The Last Supper guests are filing by the coffin,
bending low to shake Painless' hand and murmur words
of farewell. DUKE
Drink up, Walt. One for the glory
road. He holds the glass to Painless' lips, helps him down
the rest of the whiskey.
Here is the scene from the movie:
I’ll see you in comments for a discussion of this scene from M*A*S*H.
One of the single best things you can do to learn the craft of screenwriting is to read the script while watching the movie. After all a screenplay is a blueprint to make a movie and it’s that magic of what happens between printed page and final print that can inform how you approach writing scenes. That is the purpose of Script to Screen, a weekly series on GITS where we analyze a memorable movie scene and the script pages that inspired it.
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