“The 2011 Wish List” [Black List parody]
It’s still a few days until this year’s official Black List comes out so to tide us over, here is “The 2011 Wish List” from comedy writer Ken Furer:
The 2011 Wish List
The Wish List is a compilation of the best unproduced, unwritten screenplays in Hollywood.
The second annual list is determined based on a comprehensive voting process involving a tribunal of studio development executives, the BCS computer ranking algorithm, the United States Electoral College, and Sharon Osbourne.
Please remember, The Wish List is not a “best of” list. It is, at best, a “waste of the next few minutes of your life.”
Enjoy.
53
REPUBLICANS AND ALIENS
A political sci-fi crossover in which Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann must join forces with an intergalactic alien army to prevent a band of illegal immigrants from crossing the border.
46
SNAGGED
When his only daughter’s bag of pretzel M&Ms goes missing at the petting zoo, a vengeful father sets out to track it down. TAKEN but with goats.
42
KELVIN + TINA = XOXO ❤ 4EVA
After burning a mixed CD for his secret crush, shy high school freshman Kelvin gets arrested for online piracy. A nonlinear romantic dramedy that jumps back and forth in time throughout his parole sentence.
35
SEAL TEAM 7
An animated family film about a herd of seven lazy elephant seals from Antarctica that gets recruited to assassinate Osama Bin Laden. Seth Rogen will voice all seven seals.
34
READY TO ASSEMBLE
A remake of Svenn Hjürgynssön’s gritty Swedish crime thriller GUNFIRE KILL SQUAD DEATH KILL that follows a gang of street thugs who attempt to rob an Ikea but get entangled in an all-night hostage standoff armed only with Allen wrenches.
30
GROOMSMAIDS
When his fiancee leaves for her bachelorette party, an uptight guy and his slacker groomsmen throw their own bachelorette party in order to prove that guys are still just as raunchy as girls. A male Bridesmaids. Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day probably attached.
23
MIXED SIGNALS
A found footage horror film about a grad student who video chats on his iPhone with his long distance girlfriend when the call mysteriously starts to drop out. Is it a bad Wi-Fi signal or is Siri turning into a jealous psychopath? (Spoiler alert: it’s a bad Wi-Fi signal.)
16
THE SOMEWHAT EXCEPTIONAL LIFE OF THE MILDLY AMAZING SPANDEX BOY
Based on the cult graphic novel, a dorky high school student who keeps getting beat up starts dressing like a superhero … which pretty much only makes things worse.
14
MONEYHOOP
An edge-of-your-seat conference room drama that follows NBA Players Association executive director Billy Hunter as he battles Commissioner David Stern in a laborious collective bargaining negotiation. James Franco attached as the neutral third party mediator — and also as dolly grip.
11
CIRCLED
When a self-absorbed guy gets circled on Google+, he does whatever happens when you get circled on Google+.
ADAPTING ADAPTATION
While attempting to adapt the self-reflexive Charlie Kaufman film ADAPTATION, a struggling playwright realizes that his very attempt to adapt ADAPTATION is actually the adaptation. A Charlie Kaufman-esque tale in the vein of ADAPTATION.
7
STALK
A retelling of JACK AND THE BEANSTALK, flipped on its head and told from the point of view of the beanstalk.
I WANT TO F**K YOUR BRAINS OUT
A raunchy romantic comedy about a seemingly innocent, dorky girl who turns out to be a tiger in bed. Currently in development under the new title GETTING BUSY. Offer automatically out to Emma Stone. And as always, Betty White is attached.
For more from Ken Furer, please visit www.kenfurer.com.
For more laughs, read Ken’s 2010 Wish List featuring titles like MY BRIDESMAID IS A SLUTTY ASSASSIN and BEAUTY & THE BEAST & VAMPIRES & ZOMBIES & DOUCHEBAGS.
How about you? What are you favorite ‘unwritten’ screenplays out there?
UPDATE: Franklin Leonard sent me this note re Furer’s list:
“What I think is interesting is the fact that there are versions of many of these that you could write and get real attention in Hollywood, which is a valuable lesson for aspiring writers.
Anything, no matter how ridiculous sounding, can be a movie. It’s about finding a real emotional story at its center and telling it well.”
Find the emotional story at the center and tell it well. Sounds like a writing mantra to me!
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