The mystery of “Ergo Kumquat”

Okay, you’ll just have to bear with me on this.

I have a sense of humor. Good enough that I made a living doing stand-up comedy for 2 years.

I believe I developed my sense of humor as a result of being a military brat. Moving around as much as I did, I discovered the best way to make a mark in a new environment was to be funny.

Funny guys make friends.

Funny guys deflect assholes.

Funny guys get girls.

So it should not be a surprise that at some point in my life, I came up with the conjunction of these two words: Ergo kumquat. As in this context:

“The Mets are indisputably a crap team. I love the Mets. Ergo kumquat I love crap.”

What I mean by using ergo kumquat is simply “therefore.”

It’s just… you know… funny when ‘ergo’ is hooked up with ‘kumquat.’

Or at least I think so.

I have used this stupid phrase for as long as I can remember. Not like everyday, just on occasion to spice up a conversation and elicit a laugh.

It’s enough of who I am that people who are close to me know I use it.

So when this text from my son Will arrived yesterday — “Completely irrelevant, but where does ‘ergo kumquat’ come from? It’s evidently the name of an out-of-print book of poetry, according to Amazon” — I was gobsmacked.

Somebody else uses ergo kumquat?!?!

I did some research. And sure enough there is this:

I mean seriously! The author’s name is Ichmael Yttt. Clearly a pseudonym. Yttt. With no vowels?

If you go here, you will see he [or she] has published four books of poetry, the capstone the heretofore noted “Ergo Kumquat.”

That book was published in 2006. I know for a fact, I have used the phrase for many years before that date.

Therefore I can see three possibilities:

1. Ichmael Yttt is someone who knows me and picked up the phrase from our direct relationship.

2. When I used the phrase “Ergo Kumquat,” I created a mini-meme that spread to people including Ichmael Yttt.

3. A complete, total act of synchronicity: Both Ichmael and I thought of “ergo kumquat” independent of each other.

Logic would dictate the first two. I mean what are the odds that someone… anyone would put those two words together: Ergo. Kumquat.

But taking a spiritual view of the universe, it’s entirely possible my demented military brat mind converged those two words, and this person Ichmael did so in some sort of collective unconscious way.

In any event, I believe that having gone public with this discussion, we can fully expect to see a rock band emerge within the next year or two named Ergo Kumquat.

And just vamping off the top of my head, their first hit single will be “Libido Fritos.”

Not surprisingly the book of poetry called “Ergo Kumquat” is out of print. If anyone can find a copy, please forward me that information. I simply have to own a copy of this book.

Comment Archive