Trimming Tricks of the Trade, Part 2: Minimize Parentheticals
Continuing this discussion from yesterday, here is another way to save page count:
#2: LOSE PARENTHETICALS
Any of you who have taken my screenwriting classes know I urge writers to use parentheticals sparingly. Not only because they’re typically one or two words — what a waste of a line! — but also because far too often (A) they are intended to direct the actor, which actors don’t like, or (B) what they are conveying is already implied in the dialogue.
One way to lose parentheticals is to put their content in scene description instead. Here’s an example:
INT. XRAY DEPARTMENT — DAY
Scattered mobile x-ray units create a high tech maze. Eve
balances a cellphone against her ear as she clutches a
stack of CT films. Pushes toward a light box.
EVE
(into the phone)
I’ve had them stat page Dr.
McCarthy three times. I have a
post aneurism resection with
seizure.
Here’s a little edit which transplants the parenthetical into scene description:
INT. XRAY DEPARTMENT — DAY
Scattered mobile x-ray units create a high tech maze. Eve
balances a cellphone against her ear as she clutches a
stack of CT films. Pushes toward a light box. Into phone:
EVE
I’ve had them stat page McCarthy
three times. I have a post
aneurism resection with seizure.
Note: The only time I use a colon is in a circumstance like this, where I indicate in scene description that the following dialogue is into a phone, over a radio, through a mike headset, etc.
The worst parentheticals are those that take up more than one line. Paddy Chayefsky, one of the greatest screenwriters, loved parentheticals. Here’s an actual example from NETWORK:
HOWARD
(reaching for the bottle of
booze on HUNTER’S desk to
refill his glass)
— let’s do the Lennon deportation
at the end of three —
Three whole lines for what could be one line of SD:
He reaches for the booze on Hunter’s desk, refills his glass.
Chayefsky started as a playwright where they use parentheticals extensively. Besides he never had to worry about page count anyhow. But for us mere mortals where page count is critical, there is no excuse to use a parenthetical unless (A) it is absolutely important and (B) the action it describes is counter to what the dialogue indicates. Such as:
HOWARD
(picks up gun)
Angry? Why would you think that?
So do this: every time you want to use a parenthetical, ask yourself if you’re willing to waste a entire line for one word? Because, in essence, that is what you are doing.
Tomorrow another Trimming Trick of the Trade.