Twitter Rant: @ORachaelO on the Self-Delusion Imperative
Last week, Rachael Prior, head of development at Big Talk Productions, waded into the nature of her work, offering a great insight the good folks who work on the other side of the desk from us writers.
https://twitter.com/RachaelPriorMBE/status/596766575618830338
We talk a lot about hitting the creative bullseye, but tonight I want to talk about surviving the gauntlet, mentally.
I’ll talk specifically from perspective of a producer/head of development, but hope you’ll find enough parallels to your specific area.
It took time for me to realise the low level anxiety I felt was loosely based on the idea that everyone else knew something I didn’t.
Somehow they had info/creative process that meant when they paused, the thoughts running thru their head were complex, formidable, mystical.
Instead of what I know now; which is they are mostly thinking: “Bob, I have no idea, perhaps if I stare at this over priced stationery for long enough inspiration will strike or s/one else will speak.”
The day I finally realised this was probably the single most terrifying day of my career. I wasn’t relieved that everyone knew so little, I was horrified.
I’m a Taurus. I like sausages and I like blankets. I like SECURITY.
From that moment, I set about figuring out how one stays sane in an industry where there are absolutely no rules;
Where people are making multi million dollar bets weekly on whether the general public want Fried Green Tomatoes tomorrow, or Cake.
NO ONE KNOWS.
So in absence of algorithms, facts & data that won’t defied, how on earth do you hold your nerve & stay off the Fluoxetine?
How do you shake feeling that, after 6 mnths in dev w/no prod on the horizon, you aren’t in a play job. That you can still Make Shit Happen?
Here’s where self delusion comes in. Best way to avoid the rank gaping jaws of anxiety is to just tell yourself that Everything Will Be Ok.
Will it? Fuck knows. Probably not, maybe, who cares, I do, shush.
You see? You can’t go down that road. You just can’t. I found a little bit of power hidden at the centre of this control vortex.
https://twitter.com/RachaelPriorMBE/status/596771120365330432
I developed my domino theory. If you’ve ever sat in a general w/me, chances are I’ve thrown this one at you. Maybe make tea at this point.
Domino theory is all about getting to a place where a studio head, or daughter of a billionaire, pushes the red button on your finance.
It’s a confidence chain that starts with you;
You the creator; you the assistant, whoever — YOU who got the fizz in their belly when they found this idea and listened to their gut.
I hope you know how powerful that feeling is. It’s force that’s going to knock over 1st domino & carry energy all the way to the button.
The stronger you push, the more chance you have of every tiny rectangle toppling over.
You can’t abuse it. You can’t do it for every proj. No one will believe you. They’ll assume you lack the courage to pass.
That you’re putting the responsibility of ‘no’ in someone else’s inbox. Sooner or later, they’ll start saying no without even listening.
You have to get to a place where you can own your bad calls as much as you can high five your triumphs.
You’re not going to like everything that goes on to be successful. You’re not going to get it, see it, or know how to convert it.
But, you can become and expert in your own taste. And this is key to surviving the gauntlet.
In the the olden days they called it the courage of your own convictions.
This is how, when you haven’t read a script you’ve loved in 7 months; when you’ve become convinced that it’s not THEM it’s YOU…
That you’ve either lost interest or lost your groove; you get a grip. You breathe, you DELUDE YOURSELF, and then..
WOULD YOU F’ING BELIEVE IT, you turn a first page and there’s fire in your eyes again.
You jump up, you run around the office, you shout out at your colleagues and you:
This via @Mr_Dymond who I can’t RT because locked. Ira Glass holds your hand.
Delusion. Such an important trait to develop for anyone crazy enough to dream of working in the business of making movies. Thanks, Rachael, for this frank advice.
If you are on Twitter, follow @ORachaelO.