“Why producers WILL NOT READ YOUR SCRIPT”

Many of you may have read this blog post already. But for those who haven’t, here you go:

A producer friend at a production company recently shared this email interchange with a writer. It painfully illustrates why most producers will only accept solicited submissions or via a reputable agent. Irrespective of the talent this writer may show in the future, this bridge is burned.

I have redacted certain details with XXXXXX’s and of course, removed the story synopsis/ titles/ treatments/ pitches etc.

Let me cut to the chase. Writer presses producer to read his script. Producer does. Doesn’t like it. Writer responds with this:

Hi XXXX,

I’ve got to say my first inclination was that you didn’t read it yourself, but passed it on to someone else to read on your behalf, because what you say in you’re email makes no sense?

To say it doesn’t deliver as I promised, or that you found it pretty derivative and not fully convincing is completely unfounded and quite frankly, insulting?

It delivers high originality, powerfully and cinematically, it would make an absolutely fantastic and highly marketable film.

If it is ‘pretty derivative’ as you say, please name the films, the content or subject matter that it is ripped off from? Or, even similar too? Name them and email them back to me?

I’ll tell you the answer now. Nothing. Absolutely, nothing. It’s not an imitation of anything that’s ever been made. Why? Because it’s from my own mind, my own writing skills and none other. Unlike, a lot of the tosh regurgitated round and round by unskilled interns with a penchant for writing and real derivative writing at that.

Sorry XXXXX, but if you accuse me of something like that, you really should back it up.

Because you’re judgement is so out of whack, I don’t think you read it.

Best, XXXXX XXXXXX

The producer — who demonstrates the patience of Job — responds to which the Writer does as well:

Dear XXXX,

You are correct, I did say that if it’s a no I’d bow out gracefully and leave it at that, but what I didn’t expect from you was a complete disrespect of my character. You could have said many things that I would have accepted, including genuine criticism of the script, but basically calling my work ‘pretty derivative’ is bringing my reputation into dispute. By saying that, you are basically saying that I have plagiarised other works and I take umbrage to that.

I asked you to back up this claim of ‘pretty derivative’ by referencing other works, themes, concepts, that XXXXX XXXXXX was similar too? You have come back with nothing? I’ll go further, how about coming up with events, scenes or even characters who are similar? You will still come up with nothing? Another reason why I believe that you haven’t read the script or you would be able to back up your own criticism and judgement? You won’t even be able to compare it in style to anything else that you’ve seen, or read? Because it is that rarity amongst a sea of sameness, it’s unique. And, for that very reason, it is open to someone who reads it, to rewrite it, and kill it’s uniqueness. Mess it up completely.

And, don’t be going all jack-the-lad on me and making threats about how I won’t go far in the industry if that’s how I take criticism? Lets be clear, I am already in the industry and I always conduct myself with good grace, I can take criticism all day long, I’ve got skin like a rhino. It is you that seems to take criticism badly and has acted unprofessionally by virtually slandering me?

I don’t really take too kindly to that kind of talk, from anyone, whoever they are. And, I still stick by my belief that you did not read it and you have taken what someone else has said as gospel and repeated it back to me. And I know this because, the script was everything that I promised and more and you can’t possibly be where you are, and passing on a script that good and yet being so condescending about it? And, disrespectful about me in the process, for no valid reason? I gave you no call to talk like that? In fact, you came across at face value as an okay kind of guy, who I could do business with and I would have been happy to sing your praises even if you didn’t take/like the script I sent you? Or, it wasn’t for you, for a number of other different reasons? But, ‘pretty derivative’? Really?

So, I’ll bow out, but not gracefully. You owe me an apology for the slanderous comments you made about my work and therefore implied about my character. An abuse of the powerful position you hold within XXXXXXXX and the industry, as I see it? I hope you understand the seriousness of what you have accused me of, in black and white?

And I’m really, really pissed off about it. I want you to back up what you have said, or apologise to me. There is no doubt in my mind our paths will cross again. A simple apology will suffice and be accepted, now, rather than leave it hanging.

Best, XXXXX

Well…

Others have weighed in including The Bitter Script Reader. I don’t have much to add except this: Anyone who has an instinct to respond to a critique like this does not have the psychological makeup to work as a screenwriter.

Write novels. Poems. Self-publish all you want. But don’t come sniffing around Hollywood because the simple fact is: YOU WILL NOT GAIN EMPLOYMENT HERE!

Movies and TV are a collaborative venture. That means there are many voices involved in the development and production of what we know as ‘entertainment’. By definition, if there are many voices, that means there are many opinions. Opinions with which you, the writer, may agree… or more likely not agree. And if those opinions are expressed by people who are higher up on the food chain than you, you, the writer, have no option other than to consider and often implement their suggestions.

Indeed, there are often competing opinions on any given project. The studio. The director. The star. The other star. That is one reason why movies oftentimes have multiple writers involved.

And by multiple, that can mean shit-tons. I have served as a judge on WGA credit arbitrations many times including one project in which there were 15 writers.

15!

More often than not, movies are one big goddammed mess and it’s a miracle if they get a green light, let alone end up as a successful film. A helluva lot of pies. A helluva lot of fingers in said pies.

So if you think your script and your words can somehow exist in pristine perfection and above reproach, you are sadly, badly, and radically mistaken.

Moreover if you act like your creative shit don’t stink, Hollywood has two words for you:

“Fuck the fuck out of you.”

[I wrote “Fuck you,” then Hollywood told me to rewrite it to make “stronger”. That’s what I’m talking about, people!]

Life is short and there are too many talented writers around to put up with crazy people who have zero understanding of how movies get made.

So my two cents on this ridiculous escapade:

(1) Don’t be a crazy person.

(2) If you can’t abide having people mess with your words… don’t bother writing screenplays.

This is a public service announcement from the Committee for the Prevention of Unnecessary Stupidity and Cruelty to Studio Executives and Movie Producers.

Your thoughts?

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