“30 Ways To Improve The Movies”

From TotalFilm. Five of the suggestions:

Silence is Golden

Not to make cinemas like a church (we still want to laugh, scream or reserve the right to hurl abuse at Michael Bay films) but stronger silence policies would make things much more pleasant, wouldn’t they?

So kick out anybody eating from a cellophane wrapper; sweets should be sold in paper bags. Legalise the punching of people who insist on giving a running commentary through the film.

Failing that, bring in a headphone option so that we can set our own volume levels.

Fares Fair

The big chains are already charging £7+ a ticket (double figures if you’re a Londoner), and then they make a mint out of making us watch adverts.

Here’s the deal. Either drop the ads, or give us cheaper tickets with 30 minutes of advertising. Charging and then showing ads takes the jammie dodger.

And obviously, while we’re on the subject, enough of the extra fleecing with 3D. If the technology’s such a dazzler, it’ll pay for itself eventually. 

Stop 3D post-conversion

Hollywood execs, make your minds up before the shoot starts…and stick to it. Decent 3D requires a hell of a lot of forward-planning in terms of technology and staging. It really can’t be bolted on with the editing suite’s equivalent of a Band Aid.

Shonky rush-job 3D-isation has all the finesse of an old Viewmaster toy. Sometimes, it looks less like actors acting than a bunch of cardboard cutouts spaced at strategic intervals.

Think Outside The Box

With the top-end of home viewing on a par with cinema sound- and vision-systems, it’s time for cinemas to think about how to add value to the moviegoing experience.

It can be something as simple as introductions to screenings (Derby QUAD is one cinema with a regular programme) or as special as a cast and crew Q&A.

Others are blazing a more unique trail. Secret Cinema has gone for full-on interactive cabaret, but it’s worth checking out the DIY fun and games offered by leading blog Ultra Culture at the ICA’s monthly Ultra Culture Cinema.

Psycho-ville

Famously, Alfred Hitchcock decreed that nobody would be admitted late to screenings of Psycho, in order to preserve the integrity of that film’s corkscrew twists.

But the policy is worth sticking to anyway, if only to stop ace opening sequences being ruined by some clumsy Johnny-come-lately sticking his fat arse between you and the action.

We got there on time. If you can’t do the same… tough.

The first and last ones really resonate. The second time I went to see Inception, there were late-comers crawling over bodies to find an empty seat ten minutes into the movie. And three rows behind me, these teenagers were talking — softly, but loud enough to hear — during the first 30 minutes until someone (me!) piped up, “Please stop talking back there!”

How would you improve the movie-going experience? 

For the rest of the list, go here.

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