Daily Dialogue — May 12, 2010

Mrs. Chasen: I have here, Harold, the forms sent out by the National Computer Dating Service. It seems to me that as you do not get along with the daughters of my friends, this is the best way for you to find a prospective wife.
[Harold starts to interrupt]
Mrs. Chasen: Please, Harold, we have a lot to do and I have to be at the hairdresser’s at three.
[she looks over the papers]
Mrs. Chasen: The Computer Dating Service offers you at least three dates on the initial investment. They screen out the fat and ugly, so it is obviously a firm of high standards.
[she sits]
Mrs. Chasen: First, here is the personality interview which you are to fill out and return. Now then, are you ready, Harold? Here is the first question. ‘Are you uncomfortable meeting new people?’ Well, I think that’s a yes, don’t you agree, Harold? ‘Should sex education be taught outside the home?’ Oh, I would say no, wouldn’t you, Harold? ‘Three. Should women run for President of the United States?’ I don’t see why not. Absolutely yes.
[Harold produces gun from case]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Do you remember jokes and take pleasure in relating them to others?’ You don’t do that, do you, Harold? Absolutely not. ‘Do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn’t worth living?’
[Harold stares at gun]
Mrs. Chasen: Hm, what is it, Harold? A? B? I’ll put down C, not sure.
[Harold opens the gun chamber]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Is the subject of sex being exploited by our mass media?’ That would have to be yes, wouldn’t it? ‘Is it difficult for you for you to accept criticism?’
[Harold puts bullets into the gun chamber]
Mrs. Chasen: No, no, indeed. ‘Do you sometimes have headaches or backaches after a difficult day?’ Yes, I do, indeed. ‘Do you go to sleep easily?’ I’d say so.
[Harold closes the gun chamber]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Do you believe in capital punishment for murder?’ Oh, yes, I do indeed. ‘In your opinion, are social affairs a waste of time?’ Heavens, no.
[Harold points the gun in his mother’s direction]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Can God influence our lives?’ Yes, absolutely yes.
[Harold aims the gun squarely at his mother]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Does your religion or life philosophy include a life after death?’ Oh, yes indeed. Yes absolutely.
[Harold pulls the gun away]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Did you enjoy life as a child?’ Yes, you were a wonderful baby, Harold.
[Harold aims the gun at his own forehead]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Do you think the sexual revolution has gone too far?’ It certainly has.
[Harold crosses himself]
Mrs. Chasen: ‘Do you find the idea of wife-swapping distatesful?’ I find the question distasteful.
[Harold pulls the trigger, shot in the forehead, and falls backward in his chair]
Mrs. Chasen: Harold, please! ‘Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?’ [laughs] That’s you, Harold.

 — Mrs. Chasen (Vivian Pickles), Harold (Bud Cort), Harold and Maude (1971), written by Colin Higgins

Daily Dialogue theme for the week is notable mother-child (young or adult) conversations. Harold and Maude suggested by Martin.