Daily Dialogue — September 21, 2010
David: [to Brad who is singing a Ford jingle to “New York, New York”] Brad, shut up, would you please. [to his boss Paul] Now listen to me, I must get what I deserve. This is completely unfair. I have been here too long a time. Please, make me senior vice president, then I’ll do what you want. You can’t do this to me.
Paul: My God, I thought you’d be thrilled.
David: Thrilled? If it’s so thrilling, why don’t you go to New York, I’ll stay here. C’mon, I’ll take you to the airport, I got a car, here we go.
Paul: Don’t talk to me like that, I come from New York.
David: Yes, I know and you don’t want to go back there because as soon as you land, they’ll steal everything you’ve got.
Brad: Now I resent that. That’s a cliche. New York is the greatest city there is.
David: Shut up, Brad. Your song stunk, I hate your suit, and I could hurt you.
Paul: David, that’s enough.
David: No, I haven’t started yet. Look, let’s just pretend a giant mistake was made. I’ll become senior vice president, and I’ll get what I deserve, and I’ll work on Ford and do a great job, and now let’s bring in Alan Funt and end this thing.
Paul: The position is filled.
David: Well, fuck you.
Paul: That’s it. Get out and stay out.
David: Do you know that I spent the week calling my friends, asking them if they thought I’d get this. And all of them told me I was the best man. Everyone said don’t worry. Nobody would listen when I said I don’t think so, they all said you’re the best man. Obviously they’re right. I’m the best man. Phil Chabaneau is the groom. There I am, standing next to Phil, watching his life come true.
Paul: Look, I know you’re upset. And I can appreciate it. And I’m going to forget what you said a few minutes ago. I’m sure you don’t want to blow eight years with this company.
David: Fuck you.
Brad: Paul, uh, I don’t think I can work with this man. I think I’ll go back to the hotel.
Paul: Brad, just relax, I can’t either. David, you’re fired.
David: Fired? Oh, I’m fired. Well, this is great. How dare you. I want my eight years back. I’ve wasted my youth for you. I’m wasted, I’m over. I want ’em back. I’m gonna stand in this office until you give them back to me. Better than that, I’m gonna start taking things home with me. I want your clock, right behind you. Give me that clock.
Paul [into intercom]: Give me security, please.
David: Oh, he’s calling the cops, I can’t believe this.
Paul: Get out of my office right away.
David: I can’t believe it, call security.
Brad: You’re making a big mistake.
David: You don’t even know me, you bald-headed fart!
— — David (Albert Brooks), Paul (Michael Greene), Brad (Tom Tarpey), Lost in America (1985), written by Albert Brooks & Monica Mcgowan Johnson
The Daily Dialogue theme for the week is character meltdowns suggested by buccaneer, who also suggested Lost in America.
Trivia: In his autobiography, Garry Marshall (who played the casino manager) wrote that he was initially exasperated by Albert Brooks demanding take after take of their scene. But once he saw the rushes and realized that his frustration made his character funnier, he acknowledged to Brooks’s comic sense.
UPDATE: Via @scripteach on Twitter, the “nest egg” meltdown from Lost in America: