“Go Into The Story: The Quest” — A few words from Producer Scott

Lemme ask you something. Do you have any idea how impossible it is to get a movie made in Hollywood nowadays? I mean, seriously. You got this nutso obstacle course for any project… pre-awareness this, branded that, target demos, four quadrant, franchise, tentpole, shit! And suits so goddammed scared to pull the trigger, it gets my sphincter tighter than a crab’s ass just talking about it.

So what do you do if you don’t own the rights to “Hula Hoop vs Slinky: The Movie,” or the latest Mommy porn book “69 Shades of Pink,” or your name doesn’t happen to be Nicholas “Cry Me A River” Sparks?

You do something so completely crazy… it just might work. Like this Quest thing.

Here’s what the Desk Jockey and I are banking on from you people: Great stories. Better yet, great stories with great story concepts.

Oh, God, to be back in the good ol’ days of the 80s. Cop and a police dog? Movie! White guy fakes being black to get into Harvard. Movie! He’s twelve, now he’s big. Movie!

This is what I’m saying: Come up with an absolutely killer story concept. Gimme something I can whack a buyer over the head with like a goddammed two by four. Like this one that just sold: A 7-year-old girl accidentally misspells “Santa” and instead invites Satan to bring her a toy for Christmas. “Dear Satan.” Boom! Preemptive purchase! Another one: A family vacation goes wrong when the father is mistaken for Mexico’s most ruthless drug lord, El Tigre. Bam! Bidding war!

That’s what I’m talking about!

Now the Desk Jockey, he’s got what you call eclectic tastes. He likes popcorn movies and indie crap, action stories where things blow up and talking head movies with so much dialogue, I wanna blow up. So for this Quest thing, while I’m gonna have my eyes wide open, like goddammed searchlights, right, strobing through piles and piles of shitty ideas to find one great high concept, I guarantee you the kid’s gonna bring me some of your loglines which have got, you know… [air quotes] ‘quality’ to them. Hey, he can’t help it, he went to Yale grad school, okay?

So we’ll argue… well, he’ll talk, I’ll yell, and you know what? If he can convince me what you got can be a great story, maybe… just maybe I’ll go along. To keep him happy, ya’ know. ‘Coz a happy writer is a… hell, who am I kidding? There are no happy writers, right?

[Busts into a rasping laugh until he hacks up a throat full of phlegm… then swallows it.]

Anyway you know where I’m coming from: Gimme high concepts. And you know where he’s coming from: Interesting ideas, passionate writers, yada yada.

But bottom line: We want ideas that can become great stories.

So all we’re asking… with your logline… is to do that, wouldja?

Hey, look it. I made it through the whole goddammed thing without dropping one F-bomb.

Fucking A!

NOTE: NO SUBMISSIONS UNTIL 12:01AM, TUESDAY, MAY 29TH!

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