“I Will Not Read Your F***ing Script” — Dr. Seuss style

It’s the gift that keeps giving! The original Josh Olson bromide here. Now this:

I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script
By Steve Jarrett
Inspired by an essay by Josh Olson
With apologies to Theodore Geisel…

I will not read your fucking script
I will not read it in a car
I will not read it in a bar
I will not have it in my house
I will not click it with my mouse
I will not read it here or there
I will not read it anywhere
I’d rather be tied up and whipped
Than have to read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I will not read its exposition
I will not read its scene transitions
I will not read its dialogue
I will not read its epilogue
I’ll leave its pages quite unflipped
I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I won’t discuss its plot reversals
I won’t attend its cast rehearsals
I won’t discuss its complication
I won’t discuss its adumbrations
I won’t discuss its camera angles
Its syntax I won’t disentangle
I won’t critique its denoument
Nor its hero’s tragic flaw
My lips remain securely zipped
I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I will not read it as a lark
I will not read it in the dark
I will not read it on a drunk
I will not read it in a funk
I will not read it on a dare
I will not read it for a scare
Until they lay me in my crypt
I will not read your fucking script

If you click on the link above, you can hear writer Harlan Ellison do a dramatic reading.

What next? “I Will Not Read Your F***king Script: The Musical”?

UPDATE: Per Nicholas in comments, go here for more F***ing Script madness.

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