Reader Question: How to handle dialogue happening under voice-over narrative?
From Teddy Pasternak:
Hi Scott, I have a writing question. How would you indicate that a person keeps talking under another person’s V.O.? They are both in the scene having a conversation. I currently have it like this in my script:
TIM: We should really look into getting Stewart on board. He’d be a great asset and could get us into the western region… etc.
Tim keeps talking, but is drowned out by Gary’s voice over.
GARY (V.O.): Oh, man. This guy never shuts up.
I’ve shortened it for the sake of this comment but Gary’s V.O. and Tim talking goes on for a while. I’m trying to indicate that Gary couldn’t care less about what Tim is saying and that his mind is drifting elsewhere.
It feels a bit clunky as it is now. Is it even necessary to write that action line “Tim keeps talking…” or could I just skip it and it would be understood that he keeps talking? What about using “… etc.” in the dialogue line?
Thanks!
How about this:
TIM
We really should look into getting Stewart on board…
Gary winces as Tim drones on and on —
GARY (V.O.)
Why do I have to listen to this asshole?
TIM
…he’d be a great asset…
GARY (V.O.)
Wind him up and let him go! It’s Mr. Talkie Talkie!
TIM
…get us into the western region…
GARY (V.O.)
What a combo — constipated mind, diarrhea mouth.
TIM
…don’t you agree, Gary?
Gary blinks back to reality —
GARY
Uh… my thoughts exactly.
The line of scene description (“Gary winces as Tim drones on and on”) sets up the V.O. so the reader can make the connection of the voice-over without making a reference to it (“drowned out by Gary’s voice over”), always preferable to eliminate ‘scripty / directing lingo. Then a line of scene description (“Gary blinks back to reality”) to note the transition out of voice-over.
Also note the use of ellipses at the beginning and end of each Tim side to denote his dialogue is continuous from one side to the next, a run-on monologue.
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