Riding a bus and storytelling
Ever since I got an office on campus at UNC in Chapel Hill, I’ve taken the bus. Three reasons: (1) I’m trying to be as Earth-conscious as possible. (2) It’s super convenient. (3) There’s no parking on campus.
Okay, the last one is the real reason.
Up until now, I had never ridden public transportation. I mean when you live in L.A., you drive your car everywhere including to the end of the driveway to pick up the mail. But here I am every day, toodling around town with my fellow riders (oh, did I mention the buses in Chapel Hill are free).
Riding the bus has taken me back to the days when I first moved to L.A. where I would hang out at coffee shops and diners, listening in on nearby conversations, and writing down what I heard as dialogue. It’s a great exercise to develop one’s ear. Plus you can hear some interesting stories if you pay attention.
So I had been planning on post something on the value of public transportation and storytelling when — synchronicity! — @angelashelton Tweets me this link. It’s a blog called Trimet Confidential and it’s hosted by a gregarious fellow by the name of Dan Christenson who, as it happens, is a bus driver in Portland, Oregon (a city I’ve never visited, but from everything I hear, I’m certain I’d absolutely love it). The link from Angela is a post from Dan about a particular day-in-the-life experience he had on the bus. I’ve taken the liberty of posting it in its entirety because… well, it’s an entertaining story:
Driving a bus exposes you to the strange and unusual, Portland Oregon is by it’s very nature strange and unusual so you are periodically you are exposed to near lethal doses extreme strangeness. This happened last night as I was Driving a #4 Bus. Now for those of you trying to write a script for a short film or maybe break into Hollywood, take my advice and ride a bus.
The #4 bus is Portland’s United Nations of bus routs. It is also the Volume King now that the light rail train has stolen so many passengers from the @72. It is also one hell of a long run with two round trip making up an eight hour day. Last night I was dang tired just trying to push through when the following happened.
It was wet and nasty but everyone seemed relieved that the freezing cold winds had died down so Rush hour did not have that “GET ME IN THE BUS!!!” frantic feel to it. I had reached Burnside, the midway point on my trip and opened my doors to board people waiting there for me.
I heard a commotion outside, just quick word exchanged, then more, then more. I’m no rocket surgeon but I know a developing situation when I hear one. I couldn’t see what was going on and was focused on boarding people on my bus. But just my luck the two people with the problem started boarding. At first I thought they were together and this was one of those uncomfortable personal debates that often, way way to often, get drug onto my bus.
They boarded, one bumping another and it started all over. Then I figured it out! as did all the people on the bus who were looking back and forth, smirking. Here then is a rough outline of the dialog.
Man: PLEASE! Stop bumping me.
Woman: ~Oh excuse me, It’s all my fault~
( The ~ denotes sarcasm, I call it the Sarcasterix)
Man: I’m just trying to get on the bus like everyone else
Woman: ~I didn’t see! you!~
Now for a moment I thought things were over but this guy was not backing down and had to get the last word. Showing signs of a cross between Pugnacious and Pigheadedness or as I call it PugPigedness.
Man: All you have to do is give me a moment to board is that so hard!
Observer: Sir I think..
Man: But out! Mind you own Business!
Now it was the Woman’s turn to not let things go. Only she tried to outflank the guy by involving me.
Woman: Driver! Driver!
Me: Yes
Woman: Can you make this man sit someplace else
Man: Me! you Stupid $^#& why don’t you sit someplace else
Woman: Why don’t you go @*&# your self.
Me: I think…
Man: (Pleading too me) She couldn’t let me boardm had to keep bumping me and running into me.
Me: Yes I can see that..
Woman: (Screaming) I’m handicapped, I can’t help it!!!!!
Man: (YElling) well I’m blind
Woman: (Yelling) oh right your bling too.
Man: I am…
Laughs start to erupt in the bus this has the effect of adding propane to a house fire.
Woman: (Yelling at me) Driver! is he blind!
Me: As far as I can tell.
Man: Wait your blind too?
Laughing on the bus grows even louder.
Woman: (Blushing) Driver I want off!
Man: *&#$@!!!!
Woman: (BLUSHING RED) Driver I want off!!
I was still waiting for the Train to pass so I had not moved.
Me: are you sure?
Woman: Let me off!
I open the door and she gets off.
Man: (To Bus) oh laugh at the blind person that’s really adult!
Stranger In Back of Bus: I’m not laughing at a blind person, I’m laughing at an A$$ Hole.
Me I just drove the bus and tried not to laugh…
Now I don’t know what the moral of the story is, I am reminded of a quote from a passenger a few years back. “The stupid treed drops it’s fruit in everyone’s back yard” They were speaking about race but I think, just maybe, that works for handicapped as well.
A common human misunderstand, magnified by a handicap is a test of one character, I’m not sure they passed the test but I do believe they may take a different approach in the future. Driving a bus you learn quick that there are few saints or sinners, just people.
— -Roll Easy My Friends.
There you go: a good story and some quality dialogue!
How about you? Do you use public transportation? Frequent public places? Do you listen for stories? Do you hear dialogue in the voices around you?
H/T to Angela for the link. And to Dan the Bus Driver from Portland, Oregon: Peace!
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