Screenwriting 101 — Joe Eszterhas

1: Don’t see too many new movies. Most movies in theaters today are awful.

2: Don’t mince words. If the idea a studio executive gives you is a shitty one, don’t say “Well, that’s interesting, but…” Say “That’s a really shitty idea.”

3: Don’t let ’em convince you to change what you’ve written. A director isn’t a writer.

4: Don’t pitch stories, write spec scripts. Why try to convince a roomful of unread egomaniacs that you can write a good script about something.

5: Write it from your heart. Life is short; shorter than you think.

6: Always lie about your first draft. I told people I’d been working on the script of Basic Instinct for years when I sold it for a record price.

7: Remember family secrets. If you’re stuck for something to write about, think of all those things your family just doesn’t talk about.

8: In the company of the director, don’t bend over. No matter how charming he is, the director is not your friend and collaborator.

9: Blacken your heart a little bit. My old and beloved agent, Guy McElwaine, told me “There is no heart as black as the black heart of an agent.”

10: Don’t let the bastards get you down. If you can’t sell your script… or if you sell the script and they bring in another writer to butcher it…

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