Sequel to “Sequels”

As a sequel to this — Are sequels killing Hollywood? — we have this: ‘Bad Santa’, ‘Shakespeare in Love’, ‘Swingers’ Sequels Being Planned:

Miramax and The Weinstein Co. have announced plans to team up on producing sequels to many of Miramax’s biggest films. Obviously we’re already seeing the beginnings of this with the upcoming ‘Scream 4’ and ‘Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World’, but now we can add a whole bunch more sequels to that mix, including ‘Bad Santa’ (which Billy Bob Thornton talked up recently), ‘Rounders’ and ‘Shakespeare in Love’.

Okay, let’s play a quick game of “Which One Of These Doesn’t Belong,” shall we:

Scream 4
Spy Kids 4
Bad Santa
Rounders
Shakespeare in Love

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking just maybe it’s…

SHAKESPEARE IN FREAKING LOVE!

A sequel?!?! What possible creative reason could one possible conjure to do a sequel to what is arguably one of the finest comedy-dramas in the last 15 years? How can you possibly top the relationship of Will Shakespeare and Viola De Lesseps?

Oh, silly me. I said “creative” reason. There’s another reason at work here. Or rather 289 million of them.

Obviously they own the copyright. They can do what they want. But just because a dog can lick its genitals does not mean it should. And unless Miramax and TWC have got Marc Norman and Tom Stoppard (the original movie’s screenwriters) on board, and they have come up with a heretofore unimaginable story that tops the 1998 movie, please for the love of God leave it alone. Make Bad Santa 2, 3, 4, 5, Ad Nauseum. But don’t spoil the memory of this:

The mind boggles at what possible storylines they’re considering. Okay, it’s five years later. Viola returns from Virginia. And she and Will fall in love all over again. Only get this… she’s a vampire. It’s “Shakespeare in Love 2: The Vampire of Venice.” 

Put on your thinking caps. What sequel to Shakespeare in Love do you think studio execs are pondering?

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