“Seven Non-Horror Movies that Scared the Crap Out of Me As a Kid”
Cinematical with an interesting movie list: Seven Non-Horror Movies that Scared the Crap Out of Me as a Kid.:
Return to Oz (1985)
Dorothy finds a key with an Oz symbol on it, shows it to Auntie Em and Uncle Henry as proof that Oz exists, and is sent to an insane asylum! An evil insane asylum where they give our young heroine electro-shock therapy! That’s how this “childrens’ film” starts! Once Dorothy gets to Oz, it’s a speeding night train of horrors. How about that Nome King? Good LORD! Winged monkeys aren’t scary enough anymore, let’s give the kids The Wheelers — sadistic shrieking psychopaths with roller skates instead of hands and feet! Kids today won’t be satisfied with just a standard wicked witch, let’s really ramp that up too, and ruin their lives! The sequence with the witch’s cabinets full of human heads easily rivals anything in the Nightmare on Elm Street series for sheer terror. “Dorothy Gaaaaaale!!!!”
The Neverending Story (1984)
Along the same lines as Return to Oz, The Neverending Story feels way too dark, weird, and just…wrong to be a kids’ movie. I feel my eyes welling up now remembering Atreyu’s horse slowly sinking into quicksand and dying. I can’t even talk about the Gmork, that big wolfy vampire thing. And a storm called “The Nothing?” Sweet fancy Moses! Also, again, the heroes should not be scarier than the villains! The racing snail? The Rockbiter? That bat-dude? And Falkor? A big flying dog/dragon mutation with disgusting scaly eggs on his skin? We were supposed to root for this hellacious beast?
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985)
As I mentioned the other day, Poltergeist and Stephen King’s It gave me a massive fear of clowns. Also contributing to that fear — Tim Burton’s Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, still one of my favorite comedies of all time. When Pee-Wee (Paul Reubens) imagines a worst-case scenario for what has happened to his missing bicycle, we’re shown several demonic clowns in hospital smocks performing surgery on his bike. Bone-chilling.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Hey, this is fun! These kids get to enjoy all this delicious candy and have adventures! And this Willy Wonka seems like a heck of a nice guy! Yessir! Just a heck of a nice guy! Oh. Oh, he’s steering them into that tunnel. Hm. OK, it’s pretty dark in there. Um…what in God’s name are these nightmarish images flashing on the walls? Was that a bug eating a — What’s happening? Willy, why are you singing like a man possessed?
There’s no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going. There’s no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing. Is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane-a-blowin? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes, the danger must be growing! For the rowers keep on rowing! And they’re certainly not showing! Any signs that they are slowing!
Labyrinth (1986)
Watching it now, the only thing that truly disturbs me about this movie is the juxtaposition of adorable Muppets and David Bowie’s enormous package squeezed into tights. But back then, Bowie genuinely scared the crap out of me (and I’m sure had a legion of youngsters questioning their sexuality at far too young an age). Goblins stealing a baby, talking hands and worms, the utterly terrifying trash lady, I could go on, but I’m getting uncomfortable. See also: The Dark Crystal.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
I am not prepared to deal with my memories of this film. But just do an image search for stills from the movie and you’ll understand why I have Vietnamesque flashbacks about the Garbage Pail Kids to this day.
The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)
I don’t expect you to know what this movie is. No one does. I get nothing but blank stares when I bring it up. In fact, until doing an internet search just now, I was convinced that the film was some horrible dream of my youth. And all of the people online who remember the film speak of it in the same way — as though they survived some horrible, scarring experience they’re not even sure actually happened.
Movies create these worlds that because we can see and hear what goes on in them can create visceral responses, especially in children. My list of scary movies I saw as a kid are probably pretty standard stuff, mostly sci-fi movies like The Angry Red Planet and horror films like The Last Man on Earth. But I can understand where parts of Willy Wonka or even Pee Wee’s Big Adventure could create anxiety in a child.
What about you? What movies scared the crap out of you as a kid? Any non-horror titles in there?
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