Story Ideas: “Get my [bleeping] attention!”

I’m here up at Producer Scott’s house. As I noted yesterday, he came back from an extended weekend relaxing in Palm Springs…

Banging widows.

Uh, that was Producer Scott. Who appears to be feeling a bit under the weather…

Fucking hungover is what I am.

Well, you don’t look that bad.

What’s it matter how I look? I feel like a goddammed fifth wheel of a horse!

Right. Anyhow Producer Scott reviewed some of the loglines yesterday…

Oy.

And he wanted to share a few thoughts…

[Producer Scott belches]

He couldn’t quite make it to the office yet today, so I’m here with my recorder to…

For God’s sake, please, enough with the happy talk. Voice like a goddammed jackhammer…

[Rubs head, snags recorder]

Where’s the…

Just push that button.

Awright, I got it.

[Clears throat, straightens up, pushes button]

Okay, people, so look. I started reading some of your loglines yesterday and I just gotta say… it’s not recording.

It is recording.

The doohiggies aren’t spinning.

What… doohiggies?

Ya’ know, those two little things in the tape, they spin around when it’s going.

You’re talking about a cassette. This is a digital recorder.

A what?

Digital. It doesn’t use a tape.

How can you record if you don’t got a tape?

Because it’s digital.

I don’t care if it’s fucking nuclear, it doesn’t got any doohiggies spinning around!

It doesn’t have dooghiggies because there’s no tape because it’s digital.

Hey, kid, you expect me to talk to your people when I got a dozen shitfaced midgets banging around in my head, then I better goddammed well be able to see some goddammed doohiggies doing double time, so I know I ain’t wasting my fucking time, okay, or you can digital this!

[Lifts robe]

Note to readers: Suffice to say, it took us awhile to get the whole digital issue worked out, but trust me, Producer Scott did have some worthwhile things to say which I recorded and had transcribed. That will be coming up in the next post.

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