The conundrum of scene description
Here’s a conundrum screenwriters face: Movies are primarily a visual medium which means we can not rely on dialogue to carry a story, rather we have to use scene description to convey the action.
However the fact is readers dislike reading scene description. Why? Because it’s easier to read dialogue with its narrower margins and there’s generally more scene description in a script. Both of which put a strain on a reader’s eyes, mind, and psyche.
Hence the conundrum: We have to write scene description to convey the visual aspect of our story, yet readers are predisposed to dislike reading it.
What to do? Write great scene description!
In this regard, as I was making the switch from my PC to my new Mac, I was plowing through some of my old files and found something interesting: Evidently while reading a bunch of action scripts way back when, I had highlighted notable scene description — lines containing strong verbs and vivid descriptors — presumably as a reminder to think visually. If you read these excerpts of scene description from 48 Hrs., Lethal Weapon, and The Last Boy Scout, you’ll see what I mean:
48 Hrs.
The station wagon blasts down the pavement…
Bullets that tear fist-sized holes in his chest…
He socks it into gear.
Both men struggle to their feet, circle each other…
They slug away, each now arm-weary…
Exchange a dozen blows.
His eyes on the rear view mirror. A white Caddy dances in the
vibrating glass…
Looks up as glass shards sparkle down.
Swerves as bullets pepper the passenger side.
Throws her on the bed as if she were a doll…
Dropping him like a stone…
Lethal Weapon
One moment Riggs is standing. The next his foot is flashing out
like a steel sledge…
Coils his belt around his fist…
He wears his past like a scar…
An impact they can feel in Peoria…
He enters, shedding his jacket…
The rain beats on the window, throwing odd shadows across his face…
He cross-draws with lightning swiftness. Bang! The report is
deafening…
Grabs the telephone, stabs a button…
Bullets lash the pavement…
Explosion turns night into day for one brief instant…
Empties an entire clip at the front windshield, dicing it to
smithereens.
The Last Boy Scout
Pumps a cigarette into his mouth…
Chins the receive…
Keys the ignition…
Stretches his mouth into a grimace…
Slams him ass over teacups…
He lands, hard. Sucks the ground…
Stabs a button. Scoops up the receiver…
Paws his coat pockets, looking for a cigarette…
The guy pitches over dead…
The tires are pulped…
A smile twitches his upper lip…
Dawn is a ghost on the horizon…
A crackle of electric current. He jerks spastically…
Strikes with a flattened palm…
A savage wind sweeps in off the ocean…
Lets his gaze roam up and down her body…
He does the funny little dance peculiar to those with pierced
necks. Falls. Dies.
A hot slug rips through his arm…
Obviously these are a specific narrative voice reflecting the action genre. But courtesy of Roger Spottiswoode, Walter Hill, Larry Gross, and Stephen E. de Souza (48 HRs.) and Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout), you can see how strong verbs and vivid descriptors make good scene description, something a reader will actually enjoy reading.