The Onion: “Sad Sack Purchases Screenwriting Software”
It’s official! Screenwriting has made the Big Times as The Onion satirizes the craft: “Sad Sack Purchases Screenwriting Software”:
AKRON, OH — Saying that he’s had a few movie ideas kicking around for a while now, local resident and very depressing man Scott Norgren purchased screenwriting software Tuesday.
“I’m excited,” said the 36-year-old sad sack, who bought the popular program Final Draft 8 at Best Buy during his work lunch break. “I figured that if I’m going to give screenwriting a try, I should have the right software.”
“It’s supposed to make the whole process easier,” the poor sonofabitch added. “Like the outlining, for example.”
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Norgren told increasingly depressed reporters that he’s been thinking about giving screenwriting a try for months. He purchased Syd Field’s Screenplay: The Foundations Of Screenwriting and recently became a two-year subscriber to Creative Screenwriting magazine. Last Thursday, Norgren moved the card table from his garage to a spot near his living room window that he said would be “perfect for getting some work done.”
After mentioning that he has posted several movie reviews in the comments section of IMDb, the sad man continued his run of half-smile-half-wince-inducing statements by sharing his plans to install the screenwriting software on his laptop, so that he can spend Saturday afternoons working at a nearby Starbucks.
“I don’t know if they’ll let me, but maybe I can also put it on my work computer,” Norgren added. “Then I can work on my movies during breaks. I don’t get to be too creative at work.”
Of course, if you like this type of satire, there’s our friend The Hollywood Roaster who I’ve pimped on GITS several times. A writer himself, THR skewers Hollywood and especially the plight of screenwriters on a daily basis. Today’s post: Agent Pleasantly Surprised to Learn Writer Not Over 40:
Moments after meeting potential client Andy Gorman, ICM agent Bob Halford exhaled deeply, excited that the scribe was neither bald nor 40 years old.
“Hollywood is chocked full of ancient hacks,” said Halford, patting Gorman on the back. “What are you, like 29, tops? You have a good 10 years of relevancy left. After that, well, let’s just focus on the positives right now, okay?”
If you haven’t bookmarked THR, you should.
UPDATE: Just checked my Gmail and see that David had sent me the Onion link. So a belated H/T to David for your creative synchronicity.