Three 80’s reboots from the makers of MTV’s “Teen Wolf”
How about some satire to start the new week? From Nerve:
MTV’s Twilight-influenced remake of Teen Wolf premieres tonight, but it’s not the only ’80s teen classic that’s making a comeback in updated form. Luckily for you, we at Nerve got our hands on three exciting screenplays from projects currently in production, and we’re sharing selections from each to whet your appetite. Get ready — your childhood memories are about to get a whole lot moodier.
For those of you unschooled in the ways of 80s movies, let’s consider one of them: Soul Man, a 1986 comedy with this premise:
To achieve his dream of attending Harvard, a pampered teen poses as a young black man to receive a full scholarship.
EXT. COLLEGE QUAD — DAY
MARK, shirtless but covered in makeup, stands in an empty Harvard Yard. He stares with pain in his eyes towards the main campus. SARAH stands near him, but he is turned away from her. MARK looks over his shoulder as SARAH approaches.
MARK
You shouldn’t have come here, Sarah. I told
you — we can never be together.
SARAH
Mark, just talk to me. Just tell me what’s going
on. You owe me that.
MARK
There are things you don’t know about me,
Sarah. Things you can never know! You’d just
end up getting hurt.
LIGHTNING booms overheard as the sky darkens. SARAH, almost crying now, comes toward MARK, trying to embrace him, but he shifts away from her grasp.
MARK
I’m sorry, Sarah. But this is it. You won’t see me
again after today. At least… not like this.
SARAH
Mark, you’re scaring me. What is so terrible that
you think you can’t tell me? I love you, Mark!
And that’s stronger than any secret.
It begins to rain. MARK, resigned, lifts his arms to the increasingly heavy drops. The makeup begins to slowly run off his exposed upper torso, revealing the pale white skin underneath.
MARK
This is who I am, Sarah. But you know the
man I am inside. You have to understand… I
never meant to hurt you. I only did this to be a
part of something real — I’ve searched for that
my entire life! And I found that… with you.
MARK draws closer to her.
MARK (CONT’D)
Also, I didn’t want to pay for law school.
SARAH stares for a moment, confused. Then her face softens slightly, a smile appearing at the corners of her mouth.
SARAH [laughs]
What the fuck? Super, super racist, dude. Oh
my God… That’s just… wow.
SARAH turns and walks away, shaking her head. MARK stands in the rain, dumbstruck.
SARAH [muttering]
You have got to be fucking kidding me…
Kudos to James Brady Ryan, the writer of the Nerve article, for some funny stuff. The Adventures in Babysitting ‘script’ pages are funny, too “[NOTE: LOOK UP MORE TERMS]”, but I don’t think you can top the ‘script’ for Teen Witch.
For more of the Nerve article, go here.
UPDATE: 1980’s HOLLYWOOD AGENT VOICE MAILS — (msgs for C. Thomas Howell, Jami Gertz, Kirk Cameron) including a VM for Howell about Soul Man.