Daily Dialogue — February 24, 2016
CLOUSEAU: You have a license?
BEGGAR: Monsieur?
CLOUSEAU: City ordinance 47-B prohibits the playing of any musical instrument in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise without a license.
BEGGAR: I don’t understand.
CLOUSEAU: It is against the law for you to play your musical instrument.
BEGGAR: The law?
CLOUSEAU: What?
BEGGAR: You say it’s against the law?
CLOUSEAU: Yes, unless you have a proper license.
BEGGAR: Uh, what kind of license?
CLOUSEAU: A license that permits the playing of any musical instrument in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise.
BEGGAR: Commercial enterprise?
CLOUSEAU: Yes. You play that thing and people give you their money.
BEGGAR: People give the monkey the money.
CLOUSEAU: It is the same.
BEGGAR: Oh, not at all, Monsieur. I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn’t tell me what to play and I don’t tell him what to do with his money.
CLOUSEAU: Monsieur, don’t try to be funny with me. He is your monkey, therefore it is your money.
BEGGAR: He lives with me but he is not my monkey. One day I came over here and I found him sitting in the living room. I let him stay but he pays for his own room and board.
CLOUSEAU: Then the monkey’s breaking the law.
BEGGAR: But, uh, he doesn’t play any musical instrument.
CLOUSEAU: City ordinance 132-R prohibits the begging.
BEGGAR: How do you know so much about city ordinances?
CLOUSEAU: What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
BEGGAR: Yes.
CLOUSEAU: Oh, I see, yes. Yes. Yes, of course. Well, you happen to be talking to a police officer, and because I expect to be transferred back to the detective division at any moment, I will let you off this time with just a warning.
BEGGAR: Thank you, Monsieur L’agent.
CLOUSEAU: But you must get yourself a proper license.
BEGGAR: First thing tomorrow.
CLOUSEAU: Try to do something about your filthy monkey.
Bank robbers run to their getaway vehicle while Clouseau tries to hold up traffic to make their exit easier. As the bank manager tries to stop the car, Clouseau clubs him.
Later, at Inspector Dreyfus’ office.
DREYFUS: Idiot!
CLOUSEAU: How way I to know he was the bank manager?
DREYFUS: How were you to know the bank was being robbed?
CLOUSEAU: That is correct.
DREYFUS: What is correct?
CLOUSEAU: I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.
DREYFUS: You didn’t even arrest the old beggar.
CLOUSEAU: There was some question as to whether the beggar or his minkey breaking the law.
DREYFUS: Minkey?
CLOUSEAU: What?
DREYFUS: You said minkey.
CLOUSEAU: That is correct, yes. Chimpanzee monkey. So, I let them both off with a warning.
DREYFUS: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
CLOUSEAU: That is impossible.
DREYFUS: Why?
CLOUSEAU: He was blind. How can a blind man be a lookout?
DREYFUS: How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
CLOUSEAU: It’s very simple. All you have to do is enlist —
DREYFUS: Shut up! How do you know he was blind.
CLOUSEAU: Because he told me so.
DREYFUS: Oh, he told you so. And you believed him?
CLOUSEAU: I had no reason to doubt him.
DREYFUS: (Laughs) Do you believe me if I tell you that I’m not going to get you suspended for six months? Do you believe me?
CLOUSEAU: If you say so, sir, yes.
DREYFUS: (Chuckles) Because I’m a bigger liar than the beggar. You are suspended for six months without pay.
CLOUSEAU: Six months?
DREYFUS: Effective immediately. Have you anything to say?
CLOUSEAU: Could you lend me fifty francs?
DREYFUS: I’m — will you get out! Out of my sight!
CLOUSEAU: Yes, sir.
DREYFUS: Idiot!
— The Return of the Pink Panther (1975), screenplay by Frank Waldman and Blake Edwards
The Daily Dialogue theme for the week: Oblivious. Today’s suggestion by Will King.
Trivia: This film was originally intended to be a 26-part Pink Panther miniseries produced by Blake Edwards for the British ATV. The ATV then decided to turn it into a “Movie-of-the-Week”, followed by a move to a feature film.
Dialogue On Dialogue: Commentary by Will: “There is probably no more clueless, oblivious policeman in all of filmdom than Inspector Jacques Clouseau. Here, in an effort to try to prove himself once again capable of returning to his former rank of inspector, overzealous Clouseau is completely blind to the bank robbery happening visibly through the large picture windows behind the beggar. He is unaware of the (fake) beggar’s blindness. And then, when he is called to account by Chief Inspector Dreyfus and relieved of duty, he shows no hesitation to ask for a personal loan from the man who just relieved him of duty.”