Daily Dialogue — March 14, 2016

Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Customer: “VOOM”? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!
Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!
Customer: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!

— And Now For Something Completely Different (1971), screenplay & conception by Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Terry Gilliam & Eric Idle & Terry Jones & Michael Palin

Trivia: Famous Monty Python sketches featured in the film include “Hell’s Grannies”, the “Dead Parrot” sketch, “The Lumberjack Song”, the “Upperclass Twits”, and the “Nudge Nudge Wink Wink” routine.

Dialogue On Dialogue: Tough to provide decent customer service in a pet store when your secret desire is to be a lumberjack.