Daily Dialogue — September 26, 2016
ERRONIUS: (V.O.) Home at last. After years of searching for my long-lost children, how good it is to see this street once more. These tired old eyes fill with tears at the sight of the little they see. (Bumps into Hysterium) Pardon me, young woman. I’m sorry but I — (touches chicken Hysterium is holding) Oh, what a lovely baby! Just about the age of my children when they were stolen in infancy by pirates. But at least I have the comforts of my lonely home.
HYSTERIUM: (Racing ahead of Erronius) Sir!
ERRONIUS: Who are you?
HYSTERIUM: Hysterium, Sir, servant to Senex.
Senex is singing in his bath.
ERRONIUS: What was that?
HYSTERIUM: I didn’t hear anything. (More singing by Senex) I didn’t hear that, either.
ERRONIUS: It was an eerie sound.
HYSTERIUM: Eerie sound?
ERRONIUS: Like the house was haunted.
HYSTERIUM: Sir, what I’m about to tell you is eerie. Your house is haunted.
ERRONIUS: Haunted?
HYSTERIUM: Haunted as the day is long. Perhaps you should stay with relatives. Distant relatives.
ERRONIUS: Yes. No! Fetch me a soothsayer.
HYSTERIUM: A Soothsayer?
ERRONIUS: He must search my house at once.
Pseudolus disguises himself as a soothsayer.
PSEUDOLUS: (Chanting) Sir, you’re in need of a soothsayer.
ERRONIUS: How did you know?
PSEUDOLUS: I’d be a fine soothsayer if I didn’t.
ERRONIUS: Well, there’s a spirit in my hou —
PSEUDOLUS: Silence! I’m about to say the sooth! You…are…are…I see it. I see everything. You…you have been (looking to Erronius for guidance through pantomime)…you have been…abroad for…twenty years. You have been…searching for…a child…no, no, no. Two childs. A fine big boy…and a strange little boy. No, no…no…(chants)…ahh…a girl! A girl. A boy and a girl.
ERRONIUS: Can you find they for me?
PSEUDOLUS: Certainly I can find them.
ERRONIUS: Each wear a ring that has engraven upon it a gaggle of geese. There are only two more like this in the world and my children wear them.
PSEUDOLUS: How many geese in a gaggle?
ERRONIUS: At least seven.
PSEUDOLUS: SEVEN! Before I say the sooth again you must run seven times around the seven hills of Rome.
ERRONIUS: And the spirit?
PSEUDOLUS: It will be gone by the time you’ll have done my bidding.
ERRONIUS: Thanks.
PSEUDOLUS: To the hills!
ERRONIUS: To the hills! (He heads off the wrong direction)
HYSTERIUM: This is the way, Sir.
ERRONIUS: Thank you, young woman.
— A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966), screenplay by Melvin Frank & Michael Pertwee, book by Burt Shevelove and Larry Gelbart, based on the play by Titus Maccius Plautus
The Daily Dialogue theme for the week: Clairvoyance. Today’s suggestion by Will King.
Trivia: This was Buster Keaton’s final film before his death on February 1, 1966 at the age of 70.
Dialogue On Dialogue: Commentary by Will: “Pseudolus’ pretended clairvoyance serves to further reinforce his fraudulent nature, as well as his gift for quick thinking and action. Ever on the lookout for an opportunity to serve his own interests to gain his freedom from slavery, every time he puts his talents to use it helps others more than himself. Pseudolus thinks he just saved the day by preventing Erronius from stumbling upon Senex occupying his house, but Erronius will return at the end of the story to be reunited with his adult children, just as Pseudolus (unknowingly) prophesied.”